When I was a child, many of
my relatives lived in the same Brooklyn neighborhood. We could walk to each other’s homes. But even as I entered my teen years, some
were moving to the suburbs. Prosperity
enabled them to lift their horizons.
This trend has
continued. Now my extended family is
more far-flung than ever. On my father’s
side, we have lost touch. On my mother’s,
we maintain contact—but intermittently. Because some live in New Jersey, some in New
York, and others in Florida, the telephone is our primary means of
communication.
So it was with great
pleasure that my wife and I greeted a proposal that we get together for a
reunion in Florida. A cousin—indeed my
youngest cousin—had just purchased a home there, which provided a convenient
excuse for reconstituting the clan.
As it happens, this youngest of my cousins has
been more successful than I imagined.
Because we hadn’t had a face-to-face talk for as long as I can remember,
I didn’t realize that he had become the CEO of a billion dollar
corporation. Although I knew he was
running a company, it never occurred to me it was that big.
Driving up to his palatial
home on the beach quickly brought me up to speed. This was a far cry from the mean streets of
Brooklyn. Heck, it was a far cry from
the comfortable suburbs of Atlanta.
Nonetheless, my cousin was still
my cousin. He and his wife were not distant
objects of veneration. They, and his
mother, who also came, were folks with whom we could let down our hair and be
our selves. The major difference was
that because we were older, we could be more candid.
Yet the greatest irony of
our get-together was that the cousins who initiated it were not there. They were stuck in New Jersey. First foul weather socked in their plane and
then a malfunction canceled the flight entirely. Because there was no easy way to reschedule,
they were forced to drive home.
Although we in Florida got a
blow-by-blow account of their tribulations as they were occurring, we were
powerless to do anything. This then was
another complication of living so far apart.
We were all at the mercy of forms of transportation we could not
control.
While I have no doubt that
we will laugh about this muddle over the telephone, it has indefinitely
postponed our ability to see each other.
Because we have tight schedules and finite budgets, finding another
opportunity to reassemble will be difficult.
I am writing about this for
a larger audience because such trials have become a common feature of the
modern world. Here is Cherokee county I
am surrounded by expatriates from around the nation. While some have nearby relatives, many do
not. They too must maintain their
relationships catch-as-catch-can.
Social scientists tell us
that close bonds with other humans are good for our health. The trouble is that because we move around so
much it is difficult to keep these from rupturing. This is why we frequently depend more on proximate
friends than remote relatives.
Even so, our relatives
continue to matter. When I was growing
up, we used to say that blood is thicker than water. Well, the blood seems to have thinned out a
bit, but it has not evaporated.
This is why my wife and I
visit her parents in Ohio every summer.
It is why we frequently make trips to Oklahoma to see her sister. It is also why my wife makes weekly phone
calls to her family.
Me, I must admit that I am
more lax. I moved away from my family,
in part, so that I could establish an independent identity. But I love my siblings and value them more
with each passing year. I am also proud
of my nieces and wish them the best.
So here is the irony;
although prosperity has increased our options in some dimensions, it has
limited them in others. Most of us have
more choices than our ancestors, but larger numbers are also more isolated.
Freedom is a two-edged
sword. We could not have fulfilled many
of our dreams without it, and yet we have done so at the expense of neglecting
other needs. Life is replete with insoluble
dilemmas. Still and all, we must find
the best balance we can.
Melvyn L. Fein, Ph.D.
Professor of Sociology
Kennesaw State University
No comments:
Post a Comment