Courage for Modern Times

“I have always thought of myself as a coward.”  That is the opening line of my new book Unlocking Your Inner Courage.  I go on to explain what a frightened little boy I was.  I talk, for instance, about sitting in the corner of our Brooklyn apartment afraid to go outside.  I also describe how my little sister learned to swim before I did.

Not long ago, I ran into a colleague who reviewed the book for the publisher.  He began our conversation by asking if it could be true.  Had I really been a coward when I was younger?  From his experience, he could not imagine that this was the case.

Actually nowadays very few people doubt my courage.  They have seen me in action.  They know that I am prepared to stand up for what I believe, at any time, against any one.   Moreover, as a conservative sociologist and academic, I am always exposed to criticism—some of it vicious.  Yet here I stand with my head unbowed.

What happened?  How did I go from being the proverbial ninety-pound weakling to a formidable character?   Although I am still not a big person and do not relish putting myself in physical danger, on a social level almost nothing today terrifies me.

The changeover came slowly and for many years I did not realize it had occurred.  But decades of working as a clinician and even more years of self-analysis taught me important lessons.  Still, it was only recently that I decided that I had acquired insights that were worthy enough to share.

What tipped the scale was looking around and realizing that many other folks are more timid than me.  Like most people, I was aware of my own limitations.  Yet because others did not display their fears, I did not appreciate how profound these could be.

Nor did I recognize how important courage is in our modern era.  After all, we are not fighting to open up a wild frontier.  Nor have many of us had to cross a dangerous ocean in leaky sailing ships.  What then have we to fear with our full bellies, air conditioned homes, and safe suburban neighborhoods?

Nevertheless, we have managed to find bogymen lurking under nearly every sofa.  It is not just a few college students who have turned into snowflakes.  Many millions of the rest of us melt away when confronted with opinions that differ from our own.  As long as like-minded folks surround us we are okay, but let a conservative (or liberal) into the room and we panic.

This is especially unfortunate in that personal courage may be more valuable than ever.  Our prosperity has opened up a wide range of possibilities from which we must choose.  This has introduced a variety of uncertainties that take daring to confront. 

For instance, marriage has become voluntary.  We don’t marry unless we want to; we don’t stay married unless we know how to.  Intimacy, as those who have experienced it know, can be scary.  People who are emotionally close are able to hurt each other.  As a consequence, it takes nerve to get close.

Our more complex occupations also require courage.  First, we must choose from an intimidating array of possibilities.  Then we must develop the requisite skills.  And finally we must make independent decisions in areas of uncertainty.  Things can go wrong at any point, which demands a steady hand and clear head.

It even takes courage to recognize what we cannot do.  Despite our wealth, we cannot have it all.  We cannot fix every problem or make everybody equally happy.  Sometimes we must say No, even though we will be castigated for it.

And so a great many of us freak out.  We run for the exits—or, more commonly, we look around for a savior.  All too often these are politicians who cannot even save themselves.  The plain fact is that only we can save ourselves and we can do this only if we have courage.

That is why I wrote my book. 

Melvyn L. Fein, Ph.D.

Professor of Sociology

Kennesaw state University