Christmas is supposed to be
the holiday of love. It ought to bring
out the best in us. But not this year! The long knives are out and we are more
defensive than in decades.
Of course children will
still cackle with joy when they open Santa’s presents. And families will still gather to share a sumptuous
meal during which they renew their collective allegiance. Even the public decorations will be familiar. In some ways, they may be more splendid than
ever.
But our national mood has
gone sour. An air of disgruntlement is
abroad in the land. People have become
suspicious of one another in manner not seen since the 1960’s. They now view one another as potential
enemies, rather than friends.
Why? A big reason is ISIS. These folks want to kill us. They do not believe in the brotherhood of all
humanity, but only of those who join their commitment to a medieval brand of
Islam. Otherwise, we must convert,
submit, or die! Until then, they intend
to terrorize us.
Another reason is the nasty
political campaign. The airwaves are
filled with charges and counter-charges.
Although the presidential election is a year away, the contestants are
already playing hardball. Few have
anything nice to say about rivals that they will happily support once a nominee
is selected.
The worst offender is
certainly Donald Trump. He has
single-handedly converted vulgarity into the currency of partisan
rhetoric. The Donald routinely insults
people to their face and then swears he meant no such thing. He was merely defending himself.
Trump has also foresworn
political fidelity. He has let it be
known that he will pick up his marbles if others are mean to him. While he can say whatever he likes, they had
best not question the depth of his wisdom.
Then there is the Black
Lives Matter movement. It advocates have
literally condemned others for asserting that all lives matter. Moreover,
they absolutely refuse to show respect for the hundreds of thousands of police
officers that enable them to march down our streets in relative safety.
Next come the college
students who are demanding safe places where they will not be offended. By this they mean that others are not allowed
to disagree with them without being severely penalized. Question their views and they will shout you
down and/or demand that you be fired. In
other words, safe spaces are for them—not their opponents.
Sadly this attitude of
intolerance flows from the top. Our
president has never stopped demonizing his political adversaries. Republicans, for instance, but not radical
Islamists, are said to threaten our democracy.
Similarly, ordinary gun owners, but not crazies or gang members, are
depicted as shooting us down.
Ironically, some of the very
people who tell us to love one another, the ones who insist on promoting
diversity, are most responsible for our current culture of distrust. They ask us to be each other’s keepers, but
apparently only if we are on their side.
I know that universal love
is not possible. I realize that we have been
genetically programmed to cherish only those who we personally know. Nonetheless, interpersonal respect is feasible. We can refrain from insulting folks who hold opposing
opinions.
In our mass
techno-commercial society, Christmas is a reminder that we should be nice to
strangers. We do not need to accuse our
adversaries of heinous crimes in order to win our arguments with them.
Thus ISIS can be stopped if
we have the political will. We can also learn
to disagree with without being disagreeable.
When we are uncertain about how to address nagging problems, we can
listen to contrasting points of view.
Nonetheless we do not
require unconditional positive regard.
This is a juvenile fantasy that would have us to abandon our moral
standards. We do, however, need
RESPECT! During this holiday season, let
us cut each other some slack. Is that
too much to ask?
Melvyn L. Fein, Ph.D.
Professor of Sociology
Kennesaw State University