Christmas and the Family

Each year at about this time, the supermarket chains flood the airwaves with pictures of families enjoying a sumptuous holiday repast.  No doubt, this sort of scene unfolded yesterday in many households across this land.  With millions of Americans going home for Christmas, most were sure to have feasted on turkey or ham.

But what of those many millions of Americans who do not belong to intact families?  Many surely experienced what should be a shared holiday alone.  Many others were deprived of the love that Christmas celebrates because they do not belong to devoted families.

As social scientists have made abundantly clear, divorce ravages about half of all contemporary marriages.  As is less often underscored, almost half of American children are born out of wedlock.  That means that many are never part of a traditional family.

Social science also reveals that these children have fewer opportunities to be happy.  They tend to be poorly educated and, if they hold a job at all, are usually consigned to the lower rungs of the occupational ladder.  By the same token, their own marriages are more fragile and their mental health precarious.

So what, as a nation, are we doing about this—except pretending that it is not happening?  During the recent political campaign nary a word was spoken about making the family whole again.  Rick Santorum made this a focus of his efforts, but his saccharine religiosity turned a lot of people off.

As for Hillary, she owed too large a debt to the feminists not to carry their water.  Since many of these radicals still blame men for all of the world’s troubles, they are not kindly disposed to heterosexual commitments.  And lest we forget, Secretary Clinton once told us it takes a village—not a family—to raise a child.

Meanwhile Donald Trump was happy to showcase his beautiful wife and talented children.  But here we must remember that he is on this third wife and was caught on tape bragging about his extra-marital accomplishments.  He was obviously in no position to champion family values.

The truth is that politicians have no idea about how to put the family back together again.  They talk about tax credits or free childcare services, but not about strengthening the interpersonal bonds between spouses or the best ways to raise successful children.

Sometimes what we hear are paeans to diversity.  However people choose to live their personal lives, including as single parents or in homosexual alliances, is supposed to be okay—assuming this is voluntary.  No single way of life is regarded as best, so all are to be cheerfully tolerated.

Indeed, we are told we must be nonjudgmental.  In a world filled with strangers, it is our duty to keep our noses out of other people’s business.  Oh yes, the liberals explain that we must also be each other’s keepers, but by this they mean that the government should provide larger transfer payments.

Well, I want to let it be known that I am as judgmental as can be.  When people have children out of wedlock, I am appalled.  When spouses are unfaithful to one another, I am disgusted.  I don’t care if people’s feelings are hurt by my attitude.  So far as I am concerned, they should be hurt.

As Marvin Olasky wrote many years ago, American compassion can have tragic consequences.  In the name of doing good, we often do very bad.  It is therefore time to take a hard-eyed look at what we have wrought.  What kind of world are we bequeathing our children?

Nonetheless, moaning about what has gone wrong is not sufficient.  If all we do is complain about society going to wrack and ruin, our passivity contributes to this collective decline.  We must do something to strengthen what until recently has been regarded as the bedrock of social stability.

This means that we not only have to stand up for the family.  We must also teach the upcoming generation how to participate in enduring families.  Cherishing love are not enough.  The young must also be tutored in the nuts and bolts of voluntary intimacy.  This is not always easy given that so many alternatives are currently available to us.

Melvyn L. Fein, Ph.D.

Professor of Sociology

Kennesaw State University